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License to Hurt: What We Really Need When We’re in Pain By Jan DeBlieu “ We’ll light the candle together when she’s ready. For now I’ll trust the darkness for us both.” ~Terri St. Cloud Over breakfast one morning recently, Jeff and I started reminiscing about past years, and something was said that brought back a painful memory for me. My boss at the time had been unimaginably small-minded.  He had hung me out to dry. “I still can’t understand why he did that,” I said. Jeff looked at me levelly. “You need to get over it, Jan,” he said. “It was years ago.” Wise advice, without question. The only problem was that I didn’t want it just then. Why is it that we are so seldom allowed a few moments just to hurt ? After a serious heartbreak like the death of a loved one, sure, we’re given all the leeway we need. But the run-of-the-mill slights and small, persistent sorrows are treated as somet...

“Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn’t move you farther ahead, improve your situation, or help you find peace. It just feeds your shame, fuels your feelings of inadequacy, and ultimately, it keeps you stuck. The reality is that there is no one correct path in life. Everyone has their own unique journey. A path that’s right for someone else won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s okay. Your journey isn’t right or wrong, or good or bad. It’s just different.”

“The only way to be truly happy is to get your mind off yourself and help somebody else.” ~Joyce Meyer A couple of years ago, I was dealing with two major life changes at the same time. The first change was that my husband and I moved from Maryland to Delaware after our son finished high school. And though the distance wasn’t far (about a three-hour drive from my parents’ house in Washington, D.C.), I had grown up in D.C. and this marked the first time I had ever moved away from that area. The second change was that our son was heading off to college and I would have to learn to navigate life without him being physically with me. I remember a time when he was in first grade and I was so busy dealing with work that I forgot to pack his lunch. When I picked him up from school, he climbed into the backseat and said, “You forgot to send my lunch today.” And while other kids who had paid for lunch got hot dogs, my son told me he didn’t get one. ...

“Remember that failure is an event, not a person.” ~Zig Ziglar Take a second and imagine little you: running around like the little ragamuffin you were. Imagine as far back as you can—back when you were first able to comprehend feedback from parents, teachers, or whatever other authorities were around. When considering the cause of low self-esteem, the most obvious answers are under the umbrella of past abuses or failures: a parent who demanded straight As, an abusive spouse, etc. These are common forms of mistreatment that cause some people’s self-esteem to tank. But for those who’ve lived fairly easy lives, while surrounded by reasonably supportive people, low self-esteem has no obvious root (I talked about my own experience with this here.) What’s worse is that having an issue we don’t understand can make us feel weak or defective because the problem seemingly has no cause. So if you’ve suffered with low self-esteem, even if just o...

“Awareness is the birthplace of possibility. Everything you want to do, everything you want to be, starts here.” ~Deepak Chopra Ever wonder why some people respond in the same destructive way over and over even though they keep getting the same bad results? Many of us can relate to having unhealthy coping mechanisms and responses to things like stress, fear, or other agitating emotional states. Often, we are unaware of the subconscious processes going on and we may, for example, instinctively reach for an alcoholic beverage at the end of a long, hard day, never realizing we are setting ourselves for an addictive pattern that may one day claim our health, or possibly our life. I know this was certainly my situation. But, I was unable or unconscious of how to get out of this pattern of behavior—until I learned to identify my emotional triggers and re-route my unhealthy habitual responses. Addiction or other self-destructive behaviors or habits are learned responses t...

Nigeria oil’ll no longer be profitable soon – Osinbajo vanguardngr.com Sep 13, 2017 4:40 AM Akure—VICE President Yemi Osinbajo, yesterday in Ondo State declared that the country’s oil will no longer be profitable in no distant future. He spoke during the Second National Council on Niger Delta, NCND, meeting held in Akure. Painting a gloomy future of oil in the Niger Delta area of the country, the Vice President said; “Many countries are getting alternatives to oil, the development which would make the resource unprofitable in a few years. Osinbajo pointed out that the United States of America, USA, which is the largest importer of Nigeria’s crude oil, would no longer need the commodity because of alternatives for oil already discovered. Also, he stressed that Asian countries are in a desperate search for alternative to oil. According to him Japan, China and other industrialised countries have enough electric cars and are having more electric charging points than filling...